Shelbi
Ms. Lehmann
English 1-1A
13 February 2019
“The Cliff”
My name is Shelbi. One weekend my family and I decided to go on a camping trip up in the South Hills. Everybody that came was again, my family, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, and some of my friends and my parents friends. Our whole family loves to go camping. It’s kind of like a tradition of ours. We would go every single weekend and we would either go to Wilson Lake, the South Hills, Salmon Creek, or Murtaugh Lake. Everybody always had a really good time. Running around all day, playing with the little cousins, eating food, gathering around the campfire telling old stories or talking, listening to music, and roasting some good ole’ marshmallows. Now my family specifically, has an obsession for dirt bikes and four wheelers. It’s mainly my two younger siblings, Kaybrie and Deagan, who like the four wheelers because for one, they are still pretty young, and for two, they have more balance and control on a four wheeler. Now Bryce, Jadyn, and I, (those are my two older brothers), love riding dirt bikes. We ride all the time even at home. I learned how to ride a dirt bike when I was about nine years old. All three of us have been riding ever since we were little, to this day…. Of course not right now because of the winter. I’ve wrecked quite a few times, but it only made me get better at riding. My dirt bike is a Kawasaki 350. It’s lime green and I put monster stickers all over it. Anyways, one Saturday when we were camping up in the hills, we had been just kind of sitting around all day relaxing and not knowing what to do.
“Hey Shelbi we should ask mom and dad if you and I could go on a quick ride”, said Jadyn.
“Okay! Yeah let’s do it”! I yelled back. We then got up to ask our parents if we could go on a ride.
“Can Jadyn and I go on a ride, we will be careful”, I assured my mom.
"Yes, but you stay with Jadyn and DO NOT leave his side.” My mom said. We got on our riding gear, squeezed our helmets over our heads, and off we went. Jadyn’s bike is a Kawasaki 450, also lime green. We ended up riding around like a lop that surrounded our camp but it was a big loop, and then we found a hidden trail so we decide to go on it. "Follow me”! yelled Jadyn over the loud engine. This trail led us to the top of a cliff. It was a very steep, steep cliff. Very scared, my adrenaline began running through my veins. Jadyn rode all the way down the cliff to the bottom, but I knew that there was no way I was going down that cliff. I mean I tried to but I only moved like two inches, I even kicked my bike back into first gear, but I was so scared I couldn’t push myself to do it. I hopped off my bike, kicked the kick stand down, and butt scooted all the way down that cliff. “Come on Shelbi! Quit being a baby and just do it”! yelled Jadyn from the bottom of the cliff. “Nope. No way”! I screamed back to him. Jadyn had to walk all the way back up the cliff, hop on my dirt bike, and ride it to the bottom for me. From there we rode back to our camp. When we got back to our campgrounds, we explained to all our friends and family what had just happened. Now just because of that story, Jadyn teases me about it. I learned from that experience that sometimes it’s easier for your older brother to help you out every now and then, and I wont ever go to the top of a cliff again.
Ms. Lehmann
English 1-1A
13 February 2019
“The Cliff”
My name is Shelbi. One weekend my family and I decided to go on a camping trip up in the South Hills. Everybody that came was again, my family, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, and some of my friends and my parents friends. Our whole family loves to go camping. It’s kind of like a tradition of ours. We would go every single weekend and we would either go to Wilson Lake, the South Hills, Salmon Creek, or Murtaugh Lake. Everybody always had a really good time. Running around all day, playing with the little cousins, eating food, gathering around the campfire telling old stories or talking, listening to music, and roasting some good ole’ marshmallows. Now my family specifically, has an obsession for dirt bikes and four wheelers. It’s mainly my two younger siblings, Kaybrie and Deagan, who like the four wheelers because for one, they are still pretty young, and for two, they have more balance and control on a four wheeler. Now Bryce, Jadyn, and I, (those are my two older brothers), love riding dirt bikes. We ride all the time even at home. I learned how to ride a dirt bike when I was about nine years old. All three of us have been riding ever since we were little, to this day…. Of course not right now because of the winter. I’ve wrecked quite a few times, but it only made me get better at riding. My dirt bike is a Kawasaki 350. It’s lime green and I put monster stickers all over it. Anyways, one Saturday when we were camping up in the hills, we had been just kind of sitting around all day relaxing and not knowing what to do.
“Hey Shelbi we should ask mom and dad if you and I could go on a quick ride”, said Jadyn.
“Okay! Yeah let’s do it”! I yelled back. We then got up to ask our parents if we could go on a ride.
“Can Jadyn and I go on a ride, we will be careful”, I assured my mom.
"Yes, but you stay with Jadyn and DO NOT leave his side.” My mom said. We got on our riding gear, squeezed our helmets over our heads, and off we went. Jadyn’s bike is a Kawasaki 450, also lime green. We ended up riding around like a lop that surrounded our camp but it was a big loop, and then we found a hidden trail so we decide to go on it. "Follow me”! yelled Jadyn over the loud engine. This trail led us to the top of a cliff. It was a very steep, steep cliff. Very scared, my adrenaline began running through my veins. Jadyn rode all the way down the cliff to the bottom, but I knew that there was no way I was going down that cliff. I mean I tried to but I only moved like two inches, I even kicked my bike back into first gear, but I was so scared I couldn’t push myself to do it. I hopped off my bike, kicked the kick stand down, and butt scooted all the way down that cliff. “Come on Shelbi! Quit being a baby and just do it”! yelled Jadyn from the bottom of the cliff. “Nope. No way”! I screamed back to him. Jadyn had to walk all the way back up the cliff, hop on my dirt bike, and ride it to the bottom for me. From there we rode back to our camp. When we got back to our campgrounds, we explained to all our friends and family what had just happened. Now just because of that story, Jadyn teases me about it. I learned from that experience that sometimes it’s easier for your older brother to help you out every now and then, and I wont ever go to the top of a cliff again.
- List one thing you've learned from writing this paper that you can apply to other writing assignments. What will that look like?
I learned my correct punctuation. - Identify a specific revision you were asked to make and explain why (this can be at any stage of the writing process). How did you revise? What did you learn?
I was asked to add more detailed description into my story. I added more detail. - What are the conventions of a narrative and how did you meet those in this assignment?
I would use more dialogue in my story. - Given more time to work on this assignment, how would you improve it?
I would extend my story, and make it more enjoyable. - What is one thing you're proud of in this paper?
I am proud of the effort I put into telling my story.